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There are two ways in which we express ourselves in our daily lives, and they are “speech” and “demeanor”. “Speech” refers to our spoken words and tone of voice, while “demeanor” refers to our attitude and behaviour. People who speak and behave in ways that bring joy to others are seen as highly cultivated and refined individuals. On the contrary, if others are upset with the speech or behaviour of a person, it means that this person is not well-mannered and refined enough.
Take conversation, for example. We should adjust the volume of our voice by taking into account the distance between the listener and us. It is best to speak at a volume that is comfortably audible to the other person. If we speak too softly, the listener may not be able to hear us clearly, and this would be disrespectful. However, it would be rude to speak too loudly when both of us are not far apart from each other. Not only that, a loud voice also causes disturbance to others, and this is considered unrefined. Think about it: There is already so much to learn in controlling the volume of our voice, not to mention other habits and actions.
People often treat others based on their own likes and dislikes. If we have a good impression of someone, we will admire and praise him. We may even turn a blind eye on the person’s shortcomings by covering them up and only speak of his positive attributes. On the contrary, if we dislike someone, we may overlook the person’s strengths no matter how good they are. And we will grab the opportunity to slander the person whenever he errs or is negligent. The words that people speak based on their likes and dislikes are called “speech karma”. Whenever people open their mouths and talk, they are mostly gossiping about others. Hence, we should be careful of what we speak.
According to the Sutra of Forty-Two Chapters, there are Twenty Difficulties in Spiritual Cultivation, and one of them is the “difficulty to avoid gossiping”. When people are not speaking positively about someone or something, they would be speaking negatively about them.
The Buddha also said, “There is nothing to say about the Way (to Enlightenment)”. Take, for example, the teachings that I share with everyone daily. Are they the most accurate teachings? If we consider what the Buddha had said, then the teachings I deliver in words are not really ultimate. However, a lot of things must still be communicated through words; we will not be able to express our feelings without the use of words.
To engage in spiritual cultivation is to train ourselves to the stage where we are able to speak amicably while maintaining a calm and focused mind in any conversation with anyone. Only when we reach such a stage are we truly practising the “Way”.
There is a short story in the book, Zhuangzi, that talks about a man by the name of “Tai Ching”, who visited a spiritual cultivator called “Wu Qiong”, which means “endless/boundless” in English.
Tai Ching asked Wu Qiong: “I heard that you have reached a very high and profound level of cultivation, and you are knowledgeable about almost everything in the world. Can I ask you what the Great Way of Heaven is?”
Wu Qiong replied, “I don’t know.”
Tai Ching was very disappointed with his reply, and so he turned to another cultivator named “Wu Wei”, which means “unconditioned and uncontrived”.
“Do you understand what the Great Way of Heaven is?”
“The ‘Way’ could be supreme or insignificant. It could also be huge or small,” replied Wu Wei.
Tai Ching wasn’t satisfied with such an answer either.
Thus, he went on to look for another person named “Wu Shi”, which means “no beginning”. After narrating his experiences of visiting the other spiritual cultivators, he asked Wu Shi, “One of them said he did not know what the ‘Way’ is, while the other one said he knew it. Which one of them is right?”
Wu Shi replied, “The one who said he knew it actually did not know what it is. He might only know the shallow aspects of the ‘Way’, but not its profound and far-reaching principles. The true ‘Way’ cannot be described with words. The Truth of the universe can never be fully explained in words. Only a tiny fraction of it can be described with words.”
From this, we can see that true spiritual cultivators would avoid deliberately expressing themselves through speaking and listening. They do not expect anything, as the Truth can never be fully explained verbally. However, if we are not able to convey clear and thorough messages when we are talking with others, it is better not to talk at all.
We should be very careful while communicating with others, and be mindful of whether we are treating everyone equally. If we are biased, we may speak negatively of what is good, and twist something bad into something good. Such biased speech can lead others to misunderstand the person who is being criticised by us. Therefore, we must judge people fairly and avoid commenting on others based on our personal likes and dislikes.
Also, we are being ignorant if we insist that we know something, when in fact, we have no idea about it. This will not only invite mockery, but we may also tend to say the wrong things. In daily life, we must be very mindful in everything we do. We should not have the perception that opening our mouth to talk is something very simple. We must not think that just because we are not scolding a person, it is not a big deal to make casual comments about him/her. In fact, it truly matters, because the ‘Way’ is also contained in our speech.
One of the “Twenty Difficulties in Spiritual Cultivation” expounded by the Buddha is: “It is difficult for people to avoid gossiping”. Whether we can overcome this difficulty depends on how mindful we are.
Extracted from “Sheng Huo De Zhi Hui”《生活的智慧》
Translated by the Tzu Chi Singapore translation team
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