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Being filial is core to our lives. A life without filial piety is an incomplete life.”
I sigh every time I hear about issues faced by old people. Every one of us will grow old someday too. Instead of (worrying about) spending our old age wallowing in grief, why don’t we start looking into how to (help senior citizens age gracefully)? In fact, the ultimate solution is to encourage the younger generations to be respectful and filial towards their parents.
We should lead by example when it comes to filial piety. We must not leave the issue of the elderly to society to deal with as we are all responsible for supporting and looking after the old folks in our family. Being filial is core to our lives. A life without filial piety is an incomplete life.
We often hear people ask, “Who is ‘raising’ your parents now?”
This is a rather degrading question — do our parents still need to be “raised” (like children and pets)? We should instead ask, “Who is ‘being filial to’ (supporting) your parents?”
The truth is, most parents never really depend on their children. Not only that, they will even pass down their wealth and assets accumulated during their younger days to their children. They basically rely on themselves and do not burden them financially. Besides, they can take care of themselves and eat on their own, without requiring anyone to feed them.
Confucius once said, “If you do not show respect to your parents while supporting them, it is no different from keeping a dog or any pet.” If merely “raising” your parents is equivalent to being filial, aren’t you also being “filial” to livestock, such as pigs, cows, chickens and ducks (that you raise)? Hence, true filial piety must come from the heartfelt respect that we have for our parents, and we should care for them and accompany them with love in our daily life.
A volunteer once shared his experience volunteering at a hospital. It made him realise the suffering that old people are going through. He deeply felt the contrast between the love parents have for their children and the misery of old folks who are neglected by their children. At the pediatric ward, he saw the parents, grandparents, and even the aunts and uncles of a sick child visiting the latter, all of them showing great concern for the young patient. It was a scene of familial love and warmth.
But when he got to the gynaecology ward, he saw an old lady without any visitors caring for her. So he went to her and asked if her sons or daughters-in-law had come to visit. The old lady replied, “They are all busy with their own jobs. They have to work and look after their families as well, so they have no time to keep me company.”
The sick child and the sick elderly lady were both patients. The sick child was being meticulously looked after by his parents, whereas the old lady was being left aside and forgotten. Such a drastic contrast saddened the volunteer deeply.
Many of us have yet to experience the suffering of (old age) and loneliness, because most of us are still at our prime time in life and very busy with our own lives. However, we are all slowly aging without us realising it. It would be too late by the time we start feeling lonely and long for the companionship from our children and grandchildren.
A human’s lifespan is short; we will not have both our parents and children with us all the time. As long as karmic conditions permit, we should treasure the time when three or four generations of our family are living together with us under one roof. When we live with our parents or parents-in-law and are filial towards them, we are setting an example for our own children. If we are able to do this, then we will naturally enjoy family bliss when we grow old and not have to worry about the misery of growing old alone, without anyone caring for us.
Source: Tzu Chi Taiwan website
Translated by the Tzu Chi Singapore translation team
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